The P-Word

Definition - Something that never comes together.

Origin - After organizing meetings, parties, road trips and movies it became common parlance to say, "Sounds like a plan." Experience taught that if the word "plan" was uttered while planning such an event, the event would simply never take place due to unforeseen circumstances, or in many cases, lack of planning.

Usage - "Sounds like a P-Word."

Source - Unknown

The Clue Phone

Definition - An invitation to stop being an idiot.

Origin - Unknown.  Possibly a movie or stand-up comic.

Usage - "Ring-ring!  Hello?  It's The Clue Phone.  It's for you."

Source - Brent Carter?

Moe Farkas

Definition - Assistance or additional resources that are currently unavailable. Generally used in gaming when a group is heavily outmatched in battle.

Origin - Subversion of gangsta term, "Mo' fukkas." Moe was a large and resourceful group comically anthropomorphized into one being. He often took the form of Mongo from Blazing Saddles.

Usage - "We need Moe Farkas!"

Source - Mike Owings

Suck The Pipe

Phonology - Sokke Di Pipe-a

Definition - To make a tragic mistake or come to an unwitting conclusion.

Origin - Derived from a segment in a Dennis Miller routine in which he talks about watching TV as a child:

"Daddy, why did the bad man have to die?"

"Because he was a slack-jawed rat. And all rats must suck the fucking pipe."

Usage - "It's too bad that Todd got so far in that level of Goldeneye only to Suck The Pipe at the very end."

Source - Mike Owings

The Froolian Empire

My friends and I extended our teenage years well into our 30's. I suppose a lot of people my age did. It speaks volumes about our society that we behaved in such a silly fashion for so long and yet managed to become relatively stable "adults." I use the term loosely, because in many ways I still feel like a kid. I suspect many of you reading this do as well.

What is the Froolian Empire? It's a loose conglomerate nation-state that randomly and nomadically extends its power at various intervals. It also happens to exist wherever my friends happen to be at the moment.

It is useless to attempt a map of the Froolian Empire, as it has no formal boundaries. Basically, when someone moves to a new location, that area is annexed in the name of Froolia. The previous area is lost to attrition unless there is someone else there to hold it.

We all had titles as well, given out by the self-proclaimed President (or is it Emperor?) of Froolia, Trace Stevens. I forget my title now. I believe I've had a few over the years, but ultimately our fates are left to the whims of our supreme ruler. If he wishes to bestow a new title upon me, I as his humble servant will faithfully act in accord.

How did all of this come about? Good question. I'm at a loss to much of it myself. I know we played a LOT of Risk back in the day and I'm sure that between that and Castle Risk we adopted some of those rules to better mete out our political influence.

The main thing I remember is that Froolia was a neighboring country to Latveria (Doctor Doom's homeland) in the Marvel Comics. That's how we got the name. I seem to remember that it was spelled, "Fruhlia," or something similar in the actual comic, but I was corrected in a recent interview with our fearless leader. Clearly I was delusional or under the sway of an enemy power because it is obviously spelled, "with two O's and an A...and an I somewhere in the middle."

But all of this pales in importance to the single greatest contribution of the Froolian Empire - the language.

It's difficult to describe. You speak in code and make a voice like Ren Hoek using a funny Italian accent. "De queek a-browne fox-a yumped ov'r de lay-zee a-dog." That's the closest approximation I can type and still make sense. As I stated before, the real language was encoded. We could speak to each other for hours at a time (and often did) and no outsider had a clue what we were saying.

This space will be used to document the lost language of the Froolian Empire. If any of you come across or remember any vital information (or wish to amend anything I've mentioned or forgotten above), please forward it to me and I will add it to the official record.

My email is pwwhdr70@gmail.com.